For as far back as I can recall I experienced difficulty expressing myself with words. I felt that anything that emerged from my mouth would sound awkward, insane, and consistently dread that nobody could see how I felt. I was hesitant to put myself out there, so I always attempted to take as little space as possible in a room full of people. Writing and dancing was never my thing I fumbled over my words, convinced that I made no sense at all. I froze up at the possibility of familiarizing myself with outsiders or getting up before the class to talk. I was so scared of being seen and heard that I started to suppress my feelings. I was not in a position where I felt comfortable telling my parents how I felt about anything. I didn’t have siblings either to whom I could share my feelings. I was a single child of the family and that made me even more isolated. Neither did I have close friends with whom I could share my things.
One day, while I was surfing on internet I found beautiful arts and handicraft pictures shared by an unknown person. I kind of liked her art and handicraft pictures and that rise a thought maybe I could do something like that.
Out of nowhere, I picked up a pencil and start doing arts and haven’t stopped drawing since. I was so obsessed with filling sketchbooks with drawings. Magical things start to happen. I discovered something that I wanted to do, and that helped me to express myself. I could think of anything and just translate it into a paper. Seeing something I created right in front of me always blew my mind and it made me feel good. I thought to myself, ‘this is what I was meant to do and it even helps me remove the isolated part from me. My art didn’t require words it was based on feelings. I no longer struggled to hide my inner feelings, it was right there on the page. I could finally express how I felt.
This hobby of mine helped me gain the courage to connect with myself and others leading happier and healthier relationships. Not only that it also helped me to overcome my stress and anxiety. Whenever, I had felt happy, sad, joy, excited or angry I would paint or draw a particular piece of that I am gaining. I am always at my happiest when someone loves my artwork.
A significant number of us may be contemplating internally that, “I’m not imaginative, creative by any means” but, Art comes in so many forms, and as long as it makes us happy, that is all what matters. There are so many ways one can be creative and can express yourselves through writing, acting, meditation, Mandal art, drawing, painting, crafting, singing, and exercising, etc., and so on.
If you are expressing yourself from your inner being, your soul, you cannot resist the urge to feel more loved. When we don’t express ourselves, we start suppressing who we are and that can cause lasting mental and emotional pain. Expressing ourselves is a key to mental health and mental wellbeing. Expressing ourselves can help us see the problem in a new way, reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, improve self-esteem, make us more empowered, helps to understand and connect with others, and also helps to improve our mental wellbeing. Letting go and expressing yourself is allowing yourself to feel free, allowing yourself to enjoy life and be you!
Today I was standing in front of a mirror and was eye to eye with myself. In the daily hustle, constant attempts to fit in this imperfect world, and unchanging fear of rejection, I have lost the pieces of my soul. I asked myself ‘ whose lives are we living and for whom? I realized all these years, I have been living for the preset society and its acceptance. Today, I take a pledge to live for myself.